Pyramid Rock

In my early-twenties I lived and worked on a remote fish farm in South Australia. The desolate area was void of many things. Of most critical to me was the lack of culture and women, so on my breaks I endeavored to immerse myself in both. After looking after the fish on Christmas day, I had a week off over New Year’s. My planed endeavor was a large three day music festival on Phillip Island, in my native state of Victoria.

The logistics of getting to the festival from remote South Australia, was not quite straight forward. After four separate car trips, two plane rides and a bus, I arrived at Phillip Island with my friend Aaron who picked me up in Melbourne. Arriving at the Festival site, we were held up in the car queue waiting for the mandatory car search. We cracked open the last of our beers before they were confiscated by festival security and cheersed to a great festival. Then Aaron opened the dashboard compartment of his Subaru Forester to reveal his ticket. My Heart dropped, FUCK! My tick was sitting on my desk, in my bedroom back at my parent’s house in Melbourne.

Instinctively I called my Dad. It was before smart phones, but we both had camera phones. My resourceful father sent me a picture of the ticket. Phone in hand, I set upon the main info booth located at the base of the line. Heartbreakingly they informed me that a photo was not good enough. Devastated, I called my dad back. The champion knew how much I was looking forward to the festival, so he decided to make the four hour return drive to deliver my ticket.


My Dad drove two hours to drop off my forgotten ticket.

After a long boring wait sitting on the grass on the side of the highway, outside the festival area for my legendry father, I had my ticket and was finally allowed in. Now I just needed to gather my shit and set up camp. My clothes and tent were in Aaron’s car, he was camped with his brothers group of friends. My swag was with another mate, who was with my university friends and my drugs were with an old school friend. I had some gathering to do.

The festival site was basically on a large field, to distinguish camps many punters used large flagpoles with campsite flags and banners. Using my mobile to call my friends and using the flags for navigation I was able to get my gear off Aaron and find my university friends, where I threw my all my gear on a pile to mark out my spot. My University friend Kevin gave me a tour of our makeshift campsite. It consisted of a few cars, tents and a small tarp. Most importantly was the pissing spot, it was between two cars that were parked about a meter apart. I was basically sorted, except for the drugs.


The camping area. At night, in the dark and under the influence all the tents and cars look the fucking same.

I called my high school mate Gordon, unlike Aaron’s bros camp, my high school mates’ camp was relatively close by. My high school mates were mostly tradies, this meant that they had the cash and the skills to make an impressive campsite, they even had a trampoline. Acting as the middle man for my university friends I paid for and picked up a bag of pills. My friend had one spare, never really one for anything harder than pot I purchased the extra one in case I changed my mind.

Back at basecamp I cracked open a VB can that was smuggled inside the door of Wayne’s shitty commodore and starred at my pile of belongings that would become my erect tent. Just as I was about to consider putting up my tent Mark and Ethan appeared with a story that rivaled my forgotten ticket. Earlier that morning they were in the queue for the other major festival on the other side of Victoria, realizing that everybody from our university group was going to Phillip Island, they turned around. They didn’t have tickets to our festival so they parked at the nearby beach and scaled the cliffs to the campground. While they lacked the wristbands, surprisingly not once during the festival were they pulled up by security.

After smoking several joints we went to the stage area to see the bands. It was dark by this stage and we were all tipsy and stoned. My current favorite band, the Cat Empire was playing, so I joined the crowed at the main stage. When they finished I emerged alone and unsuccessfully looked for my friends, hungry and lonesome I went for a kebab.

Kebab in hand I looked for a table to devour my juicy, garlicky-lamb deliciousness. All the tables were all full, except for one with a pretty young girl sitting alone, perfect. I asked if I could sit down, she replied yes so I sat and stared, as neat as one can, to eat my kebab. The girl stared at me, and then asked if she could have a bite. “Yeah sure”, so I handed it over. Shen then went to take the largest bite I have ever seen, she practically deepthroated it. I asked her if she was hungry. She told me that she was starving and didn’t have any cash. I gave her some money to buy one, she returned with a friend and they shared the kebab. They told me that their boyfriends had deserted them. I finished my kebab, told the girls that their boyfriends were jerks and went off to look for single girls.

The bands had finished so I decided to walk back to my campsite, on the way I sparked up conservation with a group of punters. 10 minutes later I was in some girl’s tent and we started making out. She stopped, pulled out her mobile and showed me a picture of her 2 year old child. I pretended to care and went back to making out. A minute later one of her friends called out her name, she got out of the tent to talk to her friend. The talk quickly turned into yelling, so I decided to leave.

Because I had been distracted by the angry mum, I had lost my bearings in regards to my campsite. I looked for the flags. However, it was too dark to see any, I was lost. I wandered around trying to find familiar cars and landmarks that would aid my journey to the campsite, but it was useless. Instead I found a group of punters still up smoking joints, so not doing myself any favors I joined in. Now I was exceedingly stoned and completely lost.

I found another group of about 10 punters and told them I was lost and just wanted a seat. They politely let me join in on their circle of chairs. After I sat down I realized that I was the only one in the circle with a penis. One girl broke the ice by informing me that they knew my doppelganger. My instant response was “He must be a handsome man.” Her response was, that the girl sitting next to me had “fucked him”. I then told the doppelganger-fucker next to me that she had excellent taste. A few minutes later we were kissing. One of the girls got up to go to the toilet and asked doppelganger-fucker to join. Realizing the game was probably over, I left.

I kept circling the area where I thought my campsite could be. Some nice guys even let me stand on the roof of their Van, but it was far too dark to see anything clearly. In addition to being stoned and tired, the night started getting cold. All I wanted was somewhere warm to sleep. So in sheer desperation, I ripped down a campsite banner, rolled myself up like a cartoon character in a rug and slept peacefully in the middle of a field.

In the morning light I found my campsite. It was less than 20 meters away from the van that I stood on. While that night was a little chilly the day was the extreme opposite, reaching 42 °C. To combat the heat and to rest for the big night ahead I spent a fair portion of the day stoned lying under our makeshift tarp. I also finally erected my tent.

Sheltering from the sun at basecamp. Our urination spot was between the blue and red station wagons.

Lathering myself in sunscreen, we braved the sun to watch the late afternoon bands. In the middle of Little Birdie, Kevin disappeared and reappeared 10 minutes later with two bags of ice. Fucking brilliant idea, we danced with the bags of ice on our heads, keeping us cool. Waiting for the next act we sat on the ice bags, cooling our plums. The next act was Josh Pike and the crowd started to build. The obligatory giant beach ball was bouncing around. When it landed in fount of us, Aaron grabbed it with both hands and gave it an almighty kick. Instead of going up, it went straight into a very pretty girls face. He embarrassingly apologized and she was fine. Then the human towers started to form. Some muscular guys near us, all shirtless and void of chest hair were attempting the four-stacker. The smallest got on the next biggest shoulders, then the next biggest got underneath and pushed up with two on his shoulders. The Massive fourth guy just couldn’t manage getting three on his shoulders. Wanting to join in on the fun I stood on Mark’s tall shoulders. Then out of nowhere a motley, unisex group pulled off the four-stacker. Between songs, Josh Pike suggested that it could get messy. Then Ethan suggested that I stand on Mark’s shoulders naked. I quickly stripped off as Mark crouched down in readiness, I placed my feet on Marks shoulders. I held his hands for support as he stood up. Standing naked above the crowd I held out my arms for balance, the crowd cheered and I looked down. My dick was smaller and more shriveled than usual from sitting on the bag of ice, Fuck. I lost my balance and hopped off mats shoulders. I tucked my tackle between my legs to hide my shame as I put my clothes back on. It was 42 °C and I had exposed my shrinkage to a few thousands punters.

That night as one of the headliners played we were back in the crowed, Mark and Ethan who were both big guys took it in turns to sit (clothed) on each other’s shoulders. I suggested to Kevin and Aaron that they could get on my shoulders, unsure if I was strong enough they both declined. Behind us was a group of three punters, a guy and a girl holding hands and a petite brunette who appeared to be third-wheeling. I asked the small third-wheel if she wanted to get on my shoulders, enthusiastically she agreed and hopped up. When the set finished she got down and we exchanged names and she asked me if I wanted a beer? Hell yeah, so Kala and I went and got a beer and sat down. It was not long before we started to making out. When we finished our beers I suggested that we go back to the tents. Kala agreed and we decided mine was best because her cheap airbed had deflated.

When we finished “bringing in the new year” in my tent, Kala proposed that we go back and watch the rest of the bands. So we made our way back to the stage area, sat on the grass and watched the last band. I remembered that I still had one pill left and suggested that we split it. Kala disliked the idea as she disliked the MDMA. However, she told me that she would love a joint. The next person to walk buy was a guy in his early thirties, I asked if he wanted to buy a pill. I was in luck, he did. He didn’t quite trust me so he took it straight away and told me that he was going to wait with us until it kicked in, just in case I had sold him a dud. While he was waiting he pulled out a joint, lit it and passed it over to us. Sometimes shit really does work out.


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